at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
