My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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