He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
