I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drunk is a universal language darling
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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