i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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