So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
