he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
