Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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