Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
