I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
