I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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