they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
