shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
