Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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