What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
