Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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