PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
