Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
