Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
