You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
