just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
