Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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