Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
