I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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