Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
