i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
