I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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