can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
