be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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