I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
