She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
