So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
