I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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