It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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