My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
