i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
