I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
