Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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