i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
