Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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