i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
