remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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