I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
