You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We left an ass print on the piano.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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