So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
