Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
