I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
