Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
