I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
