my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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