I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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