You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
