Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
