All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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